Tuesday, October 02, 2007

"oh yes" or "oh no!" ?

dear singles out there (including myself, and i have read it and errmmm, put it that i have absorbed partially! ), lets give some thoughts on this article :)

10 reasons why Singaporean singles are not dating

Date : 12/09/2007

If you are single and still wonder why you have not found a life partner, it is probably your fault. Lydia Gan of Wow-her.com tells you why.
Lydia Gan for AsiaOne

Wed, Sep 12, 2007
from Wow-her.com

Face it. You are a big part of the reason why your marital status still reads 'single'. Lydia Gan, who is the principal director of Wow-Her.Com, an online value creation magazine that provides dating tips and relationship advice for singles in Singapore, gives her reasons for what she feels is a lack of oomph in Singapore's dating scene.

She lists 10 of them here.

1. Lack of Confidence
Have you ever woken up early in the morning, looked at yourself in the mirror and wonder: "Who will ever love me?"

Low self-esteem and fear of rejection can cause such episodes to cripple anyone's love life! As long as such thoughts are foremost in the mind, singles will be unable to take the all-important step to initiate a date or accept one.

2. Clueless In Love
Gone out with a date who looks like he just woke up, has npt brushed his teeth, does not open the door for you and picks his nose at the table? You're probably not alone.

Lack of grooming and communication skills, social and dating etiquette can spell disaster for any potential social opportunities. If you want to network, impress someone on a date or connect with anyone in a relationship, better pick up a copy of Grooming and Etiquette for Dummies.

3. Denying the Coming of Age
Mummy's boy and Daddy's princess. These big kids can't admit that they are adults and of marriageable age. They are comfortable in their roles as mummy's pets and daddy's little girls. Either too spoilt or too sheltered to take the next big step, the day they actually decide to settle down would be the day you strike lottery.

4. Wa Bo-Chap! a.k.a I Can't Be Bothered

Some singles think it is cool to 'act cool' about their singlehood. When their motto is "Singles have more fun!", there really isn't any impetus to get out of this comfort zone. And even if they do want to get attached, they expect their other half to accept them as they are, warts and all. Don't expect these singles to change for the better or settle for compromises.

5. Consistently "Not Ready for a Relationship"
This is the most commonly heard 'default' reason for 'un-dating' singles. They are simply "Not Ready for a Relationship", and are extremely reluctant to do anything constructive to get themselves ready. But as long as you are not ready to prepare yourself for a relationship, you will never find yourself in one.

6. Kia Pai-Seh, or Afraid of being Embarrassed
Afraid of taking the first step, kia paiseh is known as the fear of 'losing face'. Sufferers of such a syndrome will not be caught dead asking someone out for a date or attending any singles events to try and know more people, even self-improvement courses such as dating etiquette.

These activities are akin to announcing to the whole world that they are desperate to get out of singledom. Grow up! There is nothing wrong with wanting to get hitched. Human beings are born to procreate. Be proactive about your dating lives! Truth is, it is much more practical to attend social events and get to know more single friends then to sit around and wait for a life-partner to drop onto your lap!

7. The Fear of Commitment
This phobia is the inability or unwillingness to share their life with someone else or resolve their past hurts. While it can be a valid and emotionally debilitating phobia, a lot depends on whether the single in question recognises the phobia for what it is. Once they do face up to it, there are life coaches, counsellors, self-help books, forums and informative websites that singles can turn to for help. The trick, as always, is to first recognise that you do have that problem.

8. No Money to Date
The financially insecure among us will lament: "No money to buy expensive dinners, how to date?" or "No money to doll up, how to impress anyone on a date?" Well, the good news is dating is about having fun. There are many ways to have fun without spending a lot of money. Sometimes, fun is all about looking into each other's eyes, sharing a laugh or a moment together.

9. Too Busy
All drained after a hard day's work and too caught up with other commitments to find time for romance? Find the well-spring of strength and stamina that is inside everyone. Busy-ness not just a Singaporean affliction. The youth in Hong Kong work as hard as Singaporeans, and their lifestyles are as stressful as ours. But they adopt a work hard, play harder mentality which makes them such a vibrant population. Their singles still make the time and effort to date. The question is: How much is companionship worth to you?

10. Haven't met someone suitable yet
There are 600,000 singles out there in Singapore. If I had a dollar for each single out there, I would be very rich. I am sure you can find one among the 600,000 whom you can relate well with. But are you making the effort to meet them?

Given the above 10 reasons why singles are not dating, I would like to salute everyone who is attached or married for their courage to change, to give love and to receive love, especially those who have attended singles events and coaching sessions. I feel very proud that you have the wisdom to be open and are proactive enough to try and enriching your lives. These are very attractive qualities. Keep it up!